would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
