I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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