I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
