My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
