first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
