Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
