I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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