She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
