arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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