You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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