Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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