I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
