I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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