i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
