I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
