Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
