so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
