What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
