Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
