I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
