I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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