Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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