one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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