Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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