Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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