Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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