Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize