Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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