I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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