I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
