had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
