I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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