there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
