Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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