Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
