this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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