i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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