I hate your face
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
