Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I would fuck him just for his dog
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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