It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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