I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
