Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So many bounce houses so little time
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
