he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
