I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
