cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
