THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
