I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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