Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
