I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
