It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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