This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
