she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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