I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
