3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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