if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
