ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
