Who wears a wallet chain?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
