She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
