my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need to sanitize my soul.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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