Already got asked if we're dating
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
