true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have fence marks all over my body
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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