i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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