sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
