in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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